dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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