Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
