Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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