I puked a lego.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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