So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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