A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
