i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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