Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
