The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize