highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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