dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
