This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
