# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
