nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
