Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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