dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
