He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
