Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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