We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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