I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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