No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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