he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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