Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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