so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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