Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
