i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
