Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize