he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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