i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
