I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
