Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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