i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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