Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
