I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
