i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
