Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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