In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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