I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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