maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
