Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
