Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
