I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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