My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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