whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
