I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you win again, gameday.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
