Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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