You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
is it fun? or sober?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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