dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
