all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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