When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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