the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
