I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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