the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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