Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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