Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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