is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize