Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
