you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
