So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
