Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
