I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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