I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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