He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am naked and annoyed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
