Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
