R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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