sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
