You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
