i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
