If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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