i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
